Hello and welcome back to A Nu You: Maximizing Life with a Disability! Today’s topic is sex. Yup, I not only said it but we are going to talk about it because we talk about everything and anything, because everything and anything is possible! First and foremost, please do whatever it takes to become comfortable with this topic. It can be as limiting or as liberating as you want it to be. Even just saying the word “sex” is going to determine your level of comfort with the subject.

Just recently I presented at a sexuality conference for people with disabilities and noticed that the first three people whispered the word “sex” during their presentations. So…when I took the stage I decided to yell it from the rooftops and established a much more comfortable environment for everyone. Now we can talk! If we can’t even say the word at the same volume as we use others words, how in the world can we feel comfortable engaging in the act itself?

While we all know what the physical act of sex is, not all people with disabilities can have that physical act. Their neurological condition has affected the physical and sensory ability of “doing it” so to speak. So is this the end of the story? Absolutely not. Thanks to innovative techniques, products and medicines, more people with physical disabilities are creating great sex lives for themselves and others. If it is something that is truly meaningful to you, you will find a way.

So, let’s create a game plan for you to take your sex life to the next level. First, I would strongly recommend you talk to your doctor, who specializes in your disability, about sex. While every person is unique in his/her abilities, your doctor can give you a baseline for what may be going on with you physically, prescribe medications and make further recommendations. Your doctor may also recommend that you speak with a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Be open to this experience as well because maybe there is a mental blockage that is preventing you from fully exploring this area of your life. Even if you do not have a disability, I would make sure that your mind is as clear as possible when engaging in a sexual activity. Part of this journey is absolutely mental.

In addition, if you are currently in a relationship, ALWAYS keep the lines of communication open with your partner. He/she may be uncomfortable to explore this subject as well. There is nothing wrong with disclosing information to your partner who may just have something to disclose to you as well that allows you both to be more in the moment. If you are not in a relationship, but are wanting to have sex sooner, rather than later, I am still going to recommend that you talk to the person you choose to have sex with about your disability because I am quite sure this person is thinking about it on some level so you might as well give him/her peace of mind.

Also, this is a popular topic on many chat forums so depending on your specific type of disability, dive right in to a discussion when the topic is being discussed or if it’s a topic that has not been addressed, be a first mover and stimulate a conversation.

So here are today’s Nu Challenges for you:
  1. Sex is possible for people with disabilities, so get out there, be safe and explore!
  2. Before engaging in sexual activities, please meet with your doctor who specializes in your disability to weigh the pros and cons.
  3. Communicate with your partner and remove all of the mental clutter that can absolutely wreck a moment.

If you have any questions or comments regarding today’s topic, please email me at scott.chesney@numotion.com. Until next time, when we will be talking about parenting with a disability, thank you for joining us in creating A Nu You!

Scott Chesney

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Scott Chesney

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